Tender times for intimacy

Woman sleeping Whether it is the proverbial "headache", tiredness or short-term illness, sometimes we are simply not interested in sex. Apart from these times, there is no reason why enjoyable and fulfilling sexual relationships cannot continue well into our old age.

However when a long term illness or cancer is experienced by your partner, the issues surrounding sexuality and intimacy can have a significant impact. An Australian study, conducted by the University of Western Sydney, is looking at the needs of cancer carers in an attempt to identify what types of support services are most effective.

Part of the project conducted by Post Doctoral Research Fellow, Dr Emilee Gilbert, from the Gender, Culture and Health Research Unit in the School of Psychology, was a sub-study that consisted of a series of questionnaires. Some 131 cancer carers completed the questionnaires and in-depth interviews were conducted with 20 carers.

Of the group surveyed, 80 per cent responded that the diagnosis of cancer had a detrimental impact on their sexual relationship with their partner.

No communication about sex

Dr Gilbert found that a lack of communication about sex and intimacy - both between the couple and with health care professionals was a major issue for carers.

"For some couples, the person with cancer was hesitant to discuss issues relating to sexuality and carers generally felt they did not want to put further stress on the partner with cancer by raising the topic," Dr Gilbert said. "There was also a perception among some of the older couples in the study that sex was a taboo subject in the context of cancer."

Family concerns for some

With younger female participants in the study, issues such as whether to start a family, would their partner with cancer be around to help raise any children, or could they even get pregnant, were also raised as concerns.

The study found the failure by health care professionals to discuss issues relating to intimacy and sexuality with a couple made it difficult for carers to feel they could legitimately discuss their feelings.

"Part of the unwillingness to raise the topics of sex and intimacy probably stems from not being given the license to talk about it. Those feelings left them feeling angry, upset and resentful of health care professionals," Dr Gilbert said. "In many cases, because health professionals did not bring the subject up, carers did not feel they could bring it up. If it was discussed, it was only touched on or it was raised at an inappropriate time such as when the diagnosis was first given."

Doctors should discuss sex

However, the study found that when the topic was raised by the health care professional and questions were asked and answered and the couple were not rushed, carers reported an excellent experience.

Dr Gilbert explained that the reason the subject of sex and intimacy was not raised more often by providers was because some may have felt it would be seen as either intrusive or disrespectful. There could also have been other issues such as gender, age and culture which may have been factors dissuading both sides from raising the issue. There is a need for support to be offered to people with cancer and their carers to facilitate communication about sexuality, and address sexual issues and concerns.

Finding help

Getting life back on track after a major health challenge requires some assistance. Some excellent on-line resources are available through the Cancer Council Australia and state websites. In particular here are some sites to help to rebuild your sexual confidence.